Episode 65 - Ashley Howard

Ashley Howard is a certified life and recovery coach with over 20 years of experience in the health and wellness industry. Now with over 3 years of sobriety, she works 1:1 with individuals to help them reduce or eliminate alcohol so they can live healthier, happier, and more aligned lives. Based in South Carolina, she is also a wife and mom of two young children, and brings a realistic, compassionate approach to sustainable change. 

You can find Ashley on Instagram at:
https://amzn.eu/d/074zO5jE

And her website at:
https://www.ashleyhowardcoaching.com

Sober Motivation with Brad McLeod
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/sober-motivation-sharing-sobriety-stories/id1650658049

Annie Grace - This Naked Mind
https://amzn.eu/d/0bmEeE4O

Annie Grace - The Alcohol Experiment
https://amzn.eu/d/0hKgNiI1

Laura McKowen - Push Off From Here
https://amzn.eu/d/074zO5jE

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Welcome back to After Hours guys. She is uh just an amazing Wonder Woman on the uh Instagram helping people. She's a sober coach, she's a life coach. Um but her life, you know, started out um being brought up by by her single mum who was out working a lot of the time, and she thinks that a lot of that kind of you know um not being kind of monitored, you know, 24-7 kind of led to a kind of uh a little bit of um you know, less like like that led to her drinking because she would not be kind of supervised a lot of the time, so she could get away with things and kind of just you know, but the point was she was a straight H student, you know, doing sports, doing all the ticking all the boxes and doing everything that was you know expected from her. So, you know, from the outset, like you know, she was she was doing great, so she was drinking like everyone else her age, her peers, you know, so it wasn't um a huge big deal um until she went to college. And again, yeah, it was just social drinking, you know, she was doing all her classes, but at the weekend she was just kind of going on blowouts. Um, she got addressed, arrested at 19 for like drink drunken possession and being underage. Uh so she had to do community service and all these kind of things. A couple of years later, she got a DUI. Um, and you'd think that these were you know 19 and then 21 from a straight A student, like red flags, but nobody saw it as that. I think they just all kind of brushed it under the carpet and thought, well, you know, it could be much worse. Let's just move on, like draw a line and and and we'll get through this. Um, you know, and and on paper, Ashley's life was just great, great husband, you know, a couple of kids, um, but she was she was drinking socially, and then getting home, and as she said, like her happy her happy place was when all her family were, you know, in bed, asleep, and she could do her proper drinking. And that's the thing, that's the kind of secret drinking aspect of it, where it's not a social thing anymore. We're just doing it because we we need it, I guess, you know. Um, I guess she she said she knew she needed to wake up from it and get away from it, um, but she just didn't know how to, um, and she wasn't ready, so that comes later. Um, but yeah, sit back, guys. Listen for the similarities as always. Uh Ashley's got a great story and she's a great woman, so uh yeah, I hope you guys enjoy it like I enjoyed speaking to her. So see you at the end. Cheers, Ashley, welcome to After Hours. How are you today?

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Hey Jimmy, I'm doing really well. Thank you. How are you?

SPEAKER_02 3:13

I'm I'm good, yeah. I mean it's I mean as they say, this this will be this will be out in 2026, but right now today is a week until Christmas Day, so you know it's uh it's all a bit hectic in the house. There's wrapping, there's kind of uh decorations everywhere. So how is it for you guys? Are you do you celebrate Christmas? Is that something that you do or oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

We are big Christmas celebrators here. I'm in the US, I live in South Carolina. I have two kids that are still fairly young, they're eight and five. So we have all the elves, the elf on the shelf, we have Christmas gifts under the tree. It's just craziness over here.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

Yeah, same. So I've got three stepkids, uh, 15, 13, and nine. So the nine-year-old is still steeped in that kind of magic. And the other the older two kind of they obviously go along with it because they still feel part of the magic, you know, it's not completely gone yet. And it's just it's just a great, it's a great time of year, and I absolutely love it. So yeah. So you're in South Carolina. Is that is it warm still there?

SPEAKER_00 4:19

I mean, what's yeah, it's fairly warm, so we really don't get snow. Um I think we got a dusting last year and everything shuts down, but it's it's warm enough that we can have like a light jacket, it's not too cold, which I'm originally from Pennsylvania, so the northeast of the country, and we get a lot of snow, and I'm I'm grateful for the milder weather now for sure.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Yeah, yeah. See, we we're we're fairly mild here. We probably won't get snow, but it's just that damp, miserable, pretty kind of cold, but not cold enough for snow. So, you know, I'm a gardener, so I'm out in it like in all weather, so I'm just I'm I'm enjoying being in the evening. It's raining outside now, and we're in, we're gonna have a lovely little chat, Ashley. So thank you for giving up your time. Uh, tell us really, you know, what was your childhood like and and when did you have your first drink?

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Yeah, um, I would say fairly normal childhood, um, aside from being the daughter of a single parent. My parents divorced when I was very young. So I had my mom had three children. She was a nurse, so she was working all day long. Uh, we had to go to school and then we would go to an after-school program because my mom was still at work, and then we would be picked up very late. So my my childhood was really, I was raised in more of these like daycare type settings, then all I wanted was uh my mom to stay home, and that just wasn't possible. But I actually think that that upbringing led me to uh start experimenting with alcohol and experimenting with things that I know I shouldn't because my mom did her best, but she was at work a lot. So we had more time on our own. You know, we did have some time that we didn't always have adult supervision. So when I really think back on like when was my first drink, I think I was probably 14. Uh, I remember being at a friend's house and we were in the basement, and someone had a bottle of something, and I don't think I felt anything, but I did take a drink of it, and in that moment I felt like okay, I'm I feel accepted, I feel like I have more confidence, and even at 14 years old, knowing that was like I knew that I had sort of unleashed something within myself, and that's that's probably where it started.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Yeah, yeah, and it's it's scary, isn't it? I mean, I think I would say like 90, 95% of the people on the podcast are like 14. I was 14, you know, and I've got as I say, I've got stepkids, and you know, they're gonna try it. They're I don't think they have yet, or maybe they've had a taste like yourself, but like they haven't come in, you know, steaming drunk yet. And I hope that doesn't happen, but it's it's one of those things, and but it was it was you know, it was a different era back when I was when I was drinking at an early age, and I just loved it, you know. I don't think like you, I you know, my parents split up when I was six, and my mum was working all the hours, you know. I think she had three different jobs. Um we didn't we didn't go without, you know, because she was providing, but yeah, there was times where my brother and me maybe had a little bit more freedom than than others, you know, and uh yeah, and I guess I guess I kind of made my freedom as well because I would just kind of push the boundaries to try and see what I could get away with as well as I as I kind of got older. So, how did your kind of drinking develop through your teen years? Was that like keg parties and that well they I excuse my ignorance, this is just what I see of America from the movies, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

It's like keg parties and and and yeah, it's like those movies that everyone has red solo cups, and and yes, there was a lot of that in my college years, but I think if we we look at high school, you know, ages like 14 to 18, it was a lot of um sneaking around. So for me, I I even remember this was before cell phones and we could track everyone's location. Like I would say that I was gonna sleep over at my friend's house, and my friend would say that she was sleeping over at my house, and then we would be essentially we had our cars, we were 16 years old. So we would just be out for the night, and parents didn't really question it, they assumed we were at each other's houses, yeah. So we would literally just find someone who was having people over, a basement, like it was it was anything that we could just like get our hands on, and if that usually meant there was alcohol there, so we would simply go to someone's house and we would drink as much as we possibly could, and we would pass out there and we'd wake up at 7 a.m. in the morning and quickly go back home and pretend that we were at our friend's house all night, and that really became a pattern, like 16, 17 years old. I would say every other weekend, you know, we were at least having one night where we were just out, and there was always a kid whose parents wasn't weren't home, or someone who just was in a basement, and we would just say the parents are kind of like just you crack on, you're at you're we know where you are, so it's safe, and all that kind of mentality.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

So yeah, but yeah, but then you're waking up and you're you're probably not really hung over at all because you're you're that young, do you know what I mean? It's not really affecting you that much, and you're not drinking maybe as much as you did later. So yeah, it's madness. And would were you were you like good at school? Did you stick in and you know not get affected by that?

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Yeah, and that's where I look at like I was a really good student. I was like a straight A student, I never missed school. I I was on on the surface. If you would see me, you would think like she has it all together. She's a really good kid. And not that I think I was inherently bad, but like there was always this rebellious streak in me that's like I can have it all together, and I'm gonna go do what I want to do on the weekends and make these choices. And of course, there were things I regretted, and I got away with things for a very long time. And that would lead us into my college years, which we can talk about. But that was teenage years is my really my first time at like independence and recognizing that alcohol, the role that it played was give thinking that I had more confidence, thinking that it was more accepted, thinking that I was you know more attractive to boys or whatever it was, and I could go home and be okay and then go to school the next day. And it was kind of dangerous because the rest of my life worked was going so well, no one really knew. Parents didn't know that I had this other side to me. So yeah, looking back, it's like it was very sneaky of me.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

But also in a way, you know, it's it's what everyone else is doing as well. So it's not like you're kind of out there doing this on your own with like some nefarious older people, you're just doing what socializing is for young people, you know, that that let that kind of learned behavior. And if everything on surface, like you're you're straight A student, you know, you're doing sports and and whatnot, you're doing great. So, like, what's what's the problem? And that gives us a kind of almost like a kind of um like a roadmap for our life, doesn't it? Because we think, well, we we're managing, we're doing it okay, it's fine, it's not affecting anything in our life, but we're having fun, and again, like you said, that confidence thing that was massive for me because I seemed to be funnier when I was drinking, you know, I was more outgoing, I could talk to girls, I could, you know, make my friends laugh, but you know, that all that was doing was giving me that confidence. It was still me that was coming out with all of these things, but I just had that confidence to do it with the alcohol, and I loved that. And I was like, this is this is my this is my this is what my makeup is, you know, my MO. Yeah.

unknown 11:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

So how did that kind of obvious obviously you've you've finished high school, you know, and and then went on to college. What did you do at college?

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yes, so graduated high school, went to college at, you know, over in the States, we start college at 18 years old, and I lived away from home for the first time. So that was, I mean, it was just like fair game to go crazy every weekend. And that's when you mentioned the like what you know of America is like those college parties, and that was absolutely my experience. There was always some apartment or some house that was having a party, and again, kind of like high school, I never missed class in college. I would get all my assignments done on time. I was involved in extracurriculars, but that was how I completely let go every single weekend. And I was pretty good back then of like I wouldn't drink during the week, but I would get incredibly drunk on Fridays and Saturdays, and I would just repeat that cycle for years and being at school, and it there were so many decisions that of course I regret and situations I put myself in. But it's like I would just wake up the next day and go about my life and not really think about hey, every weekend you're you're binge drinking, like this is not necessarily healthy, but like you mentioned, everyone else seemed to be doing it, so I also felt like it was sort of normal.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

Yeah, but also like like over here, and I've spoken about this in the podcast. Like, I didn't go to university till later, like I was I think I was 29, 30, but like I did I did college, so it wasn't like the same I know you guys call university college, but they have a thing over here called Freshers Week, so like the first week of like you know, kind of intake of the university, they give you out all these passes, like of course it's meant to be for joining other clubs and things like that, but Freshers Week over here is known for its booziness. Now, over here, the age uh for drinking is 18, but in the US it's 21. So, like obviously, you've got all these college kids just straight from home getting completely, you know, drunk, pissed up, and it's still that's illegal, isn't it, in your country? So it's it's but but is it encouraged by the university? And I'm not saying encouraged, but like in the UK, they'll give you these passes that are like you can get two for one pints or you know, you know, 50p shots, or and they'll give you this like whole booklet full of like vouchers where you can go and lit and these kids are just coming from home where they can barely boil pasta and they're just being introduced to this this wild drinking party lifestyle. It's to me it's madness that it still goes on, but that's that's kind of the way it is, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Yeah, yeah, and you're right, like our age is 21, but that didn't matter when you're 18 and someone's having a party. It's just you're just so excited to be able to be there and drink and have it and feel so cool and accepted. And and yeah, and that led me to actually my first arrest when I was 19 years old. I got arrested for um in the US they call it like underage possession of alcohol. So I was just walking with my friend down the street, and I was clearly drunk, clearly very intoxicated, and I was arrested. And you would think that would have been a mini wake-up call for me, but it wasn't. I had to go through tons of community service hours and classes, and you know, 19 years old, I had to tell my family what happened, but I chalked it up to like, hey, I'm in college, this is what people do. I just happened to be caught doing it.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

You were unlucky, and like I'm surprised they did all that to you. Obviously, they were trying to make an example, but like seriously, your first offense, like just just kind of a wrap on the on the wrist, you know what I mean? And slap on the wrist and then on your way, don't do it again. But like they gave you all community service, and wow, but you didn't you didn't obviously learn your lesson because you're in college and you're like, hey, this is this is you know, this is a talking point, this is a story I can tell people.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Yeah, um yeah, but you you obviously shame around that, like yeah, like I was very embarrassed that it I had gotten caught because up until that point, up until age 19, I was able to kind of do all this stuff without getting caught. So that was my first experience of like, oh, you are accountable to your actions, and sometimes it's not gonna work out in your favor. So that was a lesson for me, but obviously it, you know, I'd still kept drinking for the next 15 years, so it didn't really stick back then.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

Yeah, yeah. And did that like affect because that's like uh on your record or whatever, would that affect any of your kind of job, you know, kind of prospects or anything like that, or was it just such a minor kind of you know, criminality that it was that it was okay, you weren't too worried about that?

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah, that's a good question. As far as I remember, I think that one was it did not stay on your record, your permanent record, because it was a first offense, and I once I had completed my classes and my community service, like I believe it did disappear. So by the time it disappeared, I was still in college, so I didn't it did not affect like potential jobs, which was a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. Because like it can, and I think it's more so in the US because I watched documentaries and things like certain like even just getting like shoplifting or something like that, that can be on there for their life, do you know what I mean? And then it's like you're never gonna get like the jobs that you maybe dreamed of because you've done this one stupid thing when you were, you know, in college or whatever. Um so yeah, so well done. Obviously, that's I'm glad that didn't uh follow you around. So what happened really once you finished uni? Did you get uh college? Did you get a good job in in your field?

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Or I did, yeah. And then something else did happen before I got out of college when I was 21. So finally legally able to drink, and this was only about several months after I turned 21 that an older friend of mine invited me out one night, and she was driving, and then she ended up getting drunk and not able to drive. And I hadn't drank that much that night, but I drove her car home. And hindsight obviously should not have done that, but I looked at it like she cannot drive, and I'm feeling okay, so I will just get us home. Got pulled over, got a DUI, um, and I had to go through all the process again of community service and classes, and I I got I had to get a lawyer and had to do all these things to expedite because it was my first DUI, I was able to do an accelerated program that would not stay on my permanent record. So I still lost my license for a little bit. You know, I had to do all these things. So within two years, age 19 and age 21, I had two run-ins with the law about alcohol. And for some reason, I just maybe I was just very young, I was not able to take accountability for it. You know, my DUI was I wasn't supposed to be driving. This other person was driving, and and I had to take her home because she made this decision, right? But of course, looking back being older, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

It's almost like you're thinking, I'm doing the right thing here. Other obviously the right thing in hindsight is we know being older, you leave the car and you get a taxi home, you know, like that's that's it. But like obviously, you thought, well, you know, we don't have money for that, or I'm fine, I can drive. And you probably were fine to drive, but obviously the legal limit and how fine you're feeling is completely different. So yeah, but like how are your parents at this point, or your mum at least, you know, when you've told her A, you've got that one when you're 19 and then 21, got to tell her again that you're kind of um, yeah, you've had a DUI. How was that? How did that go down?

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Yeah, I mean, so embarrassing for me because again, like I was the stand-up student, I was always the one that got good grades and has everything. Like I was someone you didn't have to worry about. So be having to tell her was um embarrassing, but also like in a way, she's a great mom. I think she was more enabling because she did not come down hard on me that I remember. She was like, You're right, you shouldn't have been in that position. We'll get we'll figure it out, we'll get you out of this. Um obviously I took responsibility for what I had to do to be right with my my charge with the law, but I think had she come down harder on me, I don't know. I don't know if that would have helped, but I don't remember her actually being very angry. Um, it was more just like, okay, this happened, let's figure out how to fix it. Um when in reality I think I could have used some tough love.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Yeah, but it's it's it's a difficult one for because like as you say on the surface, and this is not like fake news, you are a really good student. You've been doing this, you're you're sticking in it at college and you're doing really well. This is just one of these things. It's not like you, you know, like I don't know if you've seen the film 28 Days with Sandra Bullock, where you drove she drives a car into like someone's house over the yard and crashes it. Like you didn't do that, you were you were doing the right thing. I'm not saying drink driving is the right thing, but in your mind you were, and you didn't crash it, you got pulled over. So she's probably like, do I come down hard on her or do I go right? You know what, let's draw a line under this, we'll get her the help she needs. So I it's a difficult one, isn't it? And I understand what you're saying. Maybe that might have given you the red the red flag that you needed, but would it have? It's it's tough, you know, because again, we're young, all of our friends, like if someone had said to me back then, and I'm sure probably a lot of people did, like, you probably need to stop drinking or at least calm it down. I I I wouldn't have listened to them, you know, because it was like this is what I do, this is who I am, and all of my friends are doing it. What am I supposed to do if if I'm not drinking, you know? And I think it takes maturity to learn that you can kind of live without it, um, if you need to, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Um I yeah, I relate so much to that. I I do. I think it's because I'm not the example of she's crashing and burning her life, right? I I had everything else together, and this was this one thing that wasn't really aligning with the rest of my life. But you're right. If someone had come to me, if it was a mom or if it was a boyfriend or my husband, like and really sat me down and said, You need to stop, I I don't know that that would have helped me at that point.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's I mean, hindsight's a great thing, isn't it? But I guess we have to go through a lot of these things to to become the people we are, you know, like I as Said I don't have many regrets apart from maybe emotional turmoil I caused people, but you know, this has all led to who I am and what I'm doing now. So yeah. So how did it kind of develop over after college? Did you yeah, you were saying you you did get a good job in your field, and I did, yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

I got a job right out of college. Um, I actually do remember before right before I got hired, they did call me and ask me about the DUI charge was on my record. It was eventually supposed to leave the record, but I had that phone call of like, hey, this came up. Can you explain this? And I had to go in, I had to write down what happened, and again, very just humbling, embarrassing. I still ended up getting that job, which was great. But yeah, I had to re- that this was a year later, and I had to relive it again. So it was just very hard to go through that. Um, but got a job right out of college.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

I was gonna say, especially when you're going after like possibly your your dream job, you know, you're not just coming out of college and going to work at, you know, I don't know, McDonald's or something. No problem with that. But like you're obviously going into what you've qualified to do, and then there's almost this hurdle, and it's like, oh geez, you know, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Yeah, yeah. So very grateful to have still gotten hired at that job, you know, being 22 years old. And um, it was actually on a work trip that I met my current my husband, my current husband that so we met randomly when I was 23 and decided to leave that job and move halfway across the country to be with him and start this new adventure. And um, alcohol was always along for the ride, like it was always that passenger in my life. And my husband actually is not a was never a big drinker, so I actually am so grateful now looking back. I'm like, had I ended up with someone who was as much of a drinker as I was, I don't know. I don't know what could have happened, but he really calmed me down over the years, and you know, it's hard to sum up 10 years of my life, but we ended up getting married. We have um two children now and moved several more times, and you know, we've been settled here for a while, and I started my own business. So after leaving a corporate job, I started a fitness coaching business that I grew for the last 12 years, and now I do life coaching and sober coaching. But being an entrepreneur was again, it really fueled me. Like I'm a very hard worker, I'm very focused and driven, but every night on my drinking went from like high school and college was just out of control, wild, you know, in public, and then in mid to mid-20s, late 20s, early 30s was really um private. So I'm drinking on the couch, you know, I'm drinking alone at night when the kids are asleep. I'm going out, but I'm I'm being very in control socially, and then getting drunk when I get home. Like it would had to be behind closed doors because I had to protect the image, especially as a business owner, and promoting my lifestyle of health and fitness, I couldn't promote that I was had a problem with drinking. I I was drinking every night. Um so over and then a big part of my story is 10 years ago, um, my brother passed away because of complications from his drug use, and then my dad passed away because of lung cancer from smoking for 40 years. So in one year, I lost two members of my family from preventable ways, like things that could have been prevented. And I, for a while, this was 10 years ago, I really separated myself from them. I said, This is traumatic, this is terrible, but my brother did drugs and my dad smoked cigarettes, and I don't do either of those things. But what I didn't see at the time was alcohol is just as much a drug as anything, and and it it was going to catch up with me if I didn't make changes because I was truly dependent on it. You know, I don't know if I was an alcoholic, but I do know that most nights I was drinking two, three, four drinks every night, and then just trying to get through the day until I could drink again. But again, on the surface, people didn't really know that about me. So that was uh that was a big moment.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

And that's the thing, it's like, I mean, I hate the word alcoholic. Yeah, I've sat in a room and said my name's Jimmy and I'm an alcoholic, but it, you know, I don't I don't I don't like the word, I don't use it anymore. A because I'm not dependent on alcohol anymore, um, but B because you know it has that negative connotation of someone sat on a park bench with a bottle in a brown paper bag, you know, and it's like you don't have to be an alcoholic for it to have a negative impact on your life, you know, and if you if it was like the fact that you're doing it on your own because you're you're got you've got that image to protect, it's almost like a shameful drinking, isn't it? You know, it's like I I I want to do this, but I'm not gonna let people see how bad I do get. And it's it's it's just that whole i i i someone said like um like alcohol misuse disorder or use disorder. It's a disease that wants you on its own. Do you know what I mean? It it it it you it starts out with all this socialising and partying and drinking with friends, but eventually the majority of the people that I know and speak to, they always end up on their own. They they'll still socialise, but when they're doing their proper drinking, it's by themselves with their little friend alcohol. So yeah. And and as I say, that word, you know, middle road drinkers, grey area drinker, alcoholic, it it doesn't matter what you are or what you think you are, if it's having this like like negative impact on your life, if it's causing you issues. And let's be honest, like I didn't know the day I knew the dangers of smoking because the packets and all that had everything on it when I smoked, and I thought, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know, I'll deal with that. I'm gonna quit before I get older. And I did. But also, alcohol is a carcinogen, it has all it's linked to seven types of cancers now, and it's like, you know, but I didn't know that. I didn't know that until I got sober, and I'm sure you didn't know at the time because we're led to believe of this this kind of glamorous, sophisticated image. You know, you were probably thinking, Well, I've got this great business, I'm gonna come home, I deserve a glass of wine, and I'm gonna put it in a really lovely wine glass, and you know, and I'm drinking because it's it I'm successful, you know, and I'm sure that's kind of one of the things you're telling yourself, even though deep down inside you think, yeah, I need to stop this at some point. Yeah. And how was your husband kind of so you're married at this point with kids? How was he thinking about your drinking, or were you even kind of hiding most of it from him as well?

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Yeah, yeah. What you described is so very accurate, you know, it was more of like it was shameful, and I felt I felt like it was the mental gymnastics of just being alone and drinking, and that was just so very well explained. But he I yes, I would also hide it from him. My ideal time to drink, I would start with a glass and then kind of hopefully wish that he would go to bed and so I could continue. Um, and that was my real freedom. Like my real freedom was when my whole family was asleep and I could drink as much as I wanted. So I would end up there were years that we never went to bed at the same time. He just knew he would go to sleep when he was tired and I would stay up. So yeah, like he obviously knew I liked to drink, he knew that it was a part of my life, he knew that I would express sometimes I would express wanting to cut back, but I think he also knew that if he would come to me, unless of course I was in a dangerous situation, which I never put myself in a situation to drive or be with my kids and drive, which I'm I am grateful for. But I think if that had happened, he would have said something, but he did not say anything to me about being concerned because I think he knew that if I if he would address me like that, it honestly reflecting it probably would have had the opposite effect. I would have been so ashamed and so mortified that I would have drank more because I just felt like I disappointed so many people. So I think he he understood it on some level, but he was also my safety net. Anytime we were out and there was alcohol, he was the driver, he was in control. Um, you know, he was really took care of the situation and made sure that I was always safe. But I think in a way that kind of gave me permission to keep drinking and when I really did want to stop.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Yeah, almost like he's kind of saying, It's okay, you know, I've got your back, you crack on. And I'm sure like if you got completely sauzled when you were out, he'd be like, Yeah, come on, it's time to go. But like you said, you were you were quite careful of that image when you were out, and then get home. He's he's he's got you home safe, he's gone off to bed because you've all had a good night, and then you're you're probably having a you know glass of wine um to kind of finish the night off or three, you know. So it is it is scary, and also it's a slow process, you know. Like I wasn't yeah, I had some silly things that I did when I was in my twenties, like I got a DUI as well, and you know, maybe upset a few friends, but then that was all taken care of. But it's this slow kind of builds and build and build. So how did it kind of yeah? Did that just was that kind of the norm, or did you feel it escalating until it got to you know the kind of crux point?

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Yeah, yeah. I I call it like I would feel these nudges, like little nudges of like, hey, this is not for you, like this is and but I was scared. I was I would wake up at three in the morning, and after having a lot of drinks the night before, and not being able to sleep, and just wondering, like, this is not how I'm supposed to feel. Deep down, I always knew like you're gonna need to walk away from it someday. Like I knew that. I think it just inherently I knew that, but I was scared. I couldn't even imagine a world where I could have fun or relax or connect with another human if I was not drinking. So, and of course, I've had two children. I did not drink during my pregnancies, but the minute that I was able to, I started again. And I think pregnancy was unfortunately like a count a countdown, not even like really emotionally connecting to pregnancy, but also just kind of looking at the clock thinking, like, when can I drink again? So, all that to say, about four years ago, it really the voice was loud. The voice was getting louder of like, this is not for you. You need to, and I would take 30-day breaks. You know, I'm sure people are familiar with like dry January. I wouldn't drink for the month of January, but I would drink on February 1st, like a countdown. It wasn't until you know I got into therapy and I started working with some people. I never once brought up in any kind of mentor, someone helping me. I never once brought up my concern with my alcohol. And that's why I coach now and I just tell people I'm so proud of you for just talking about this because I wouldn't. I would talk about my trauma, I would talk about the loss in my life, I would talk about shame, but I would not talk about, hey, I think I have an issue with alcohol. But I do credit therapists and coaches for helping me heal other aspects of my life, and a lot of that work led up to the nudges three years ago. Actually, three years ago this week, I was in Scotland for a wedding. Um it was the last time that I really drank. So I was on vacation and I was with friends, and my one friend's husband had stopped drinking about five months earlier, and he was like life of the party. This guy was always drinking, he was always just loud and fun, and to see him get sober and to spend time with him was a huge inspiration to me to think, wow, here's someone that was still having a great time, he's still laughing, he's still the life of the party, but he's not drinking. So when I was in Scotland, that was really I think the voice got so loud of like you're almost ready, you're almost there. Um, and I can go into when I actually stopped, but I didn't know if you had any follow-ups from that.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

Where where did uh where did where was it? Was it a wedding, did you say, in Scotland?

SPEAKER_00 33:35

We were in Glasgow, and then we also went, we took uh the train to Edinburgh and we did the tour of like St Andrews and everything. It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

What a place to kind of stop drinking, having your last drink, because as you know, Scotland is a massive kind of drinking culture, and you know it it it was it was very dangerous at one point. They had like a lower life expectancy than some you know than than than uh you know some third world countries because the diet, the health, and the drinking was just killing everyone in Scotland. It's you know it's it's absolute madness. So yeah. So what yeah, sorry, so and going back because you said and it just made me think you said you you know if you do dry January, it's like this countdown to February. That's what dry January is for people. It's this countdown, it should be a count up. You know, it should be like right, I've got to first of February, I've got 31 days, like now let's get 32, 33, rather than the other way around, like you know, I've got like one day left to to kind of drink and uh to to be sober and then I can drink again because you're you're already starting to feel clarity, you're starting to feel better, and then yeah, first of February comes along, and everyone just jumps back on that that that wagon. So when did you finally uh what date was your your final drink then?

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Yeah, so Scotland was like the last hurrah. Um, we came back, we had Christmas, um, and then my family came to our house, our home here in the first week of January because we had to do a later Christmas celebration. So my last drink wasn't in Scotland, but that was my last like a social event with it. And then when my family was here, actually, my sister and brother-in-law, they own a brewery, so um beer is their life. They are surrounded by beer, that's their business. So they would they brought beers and nothing nothing extraordinary happened. We drank, we had some beers every night that they were here. Um but I did start to feel a little bit of a pain in my in my gut. So that whole week I'm like, and I don't think it was physical pain from alcohol, I think it was more like change is coming and you're ready. I tend to really listen to my body, and I'm like, your body is your body's yelling at you right now that you're ready for a change. So that's what I like to tell people like some people have a raw rock bottom moment. That was not for that was not my reality. I simply had like enough of enough of the anxiety, enough of the like, am I drinking too much? Do I have a problem? So my my family went home, it was um Sunday, January 8th, 2023, and I woke up that morning and I'm like, that's it. Like I had so much peace. It wasn't, and that's why I love that I stopped drinking on January 8th. I'm like, it's not if you miss New Year's Day and your goal is to not drink, who cares? Like, stop drinking on January 8th. So January 8th, and I just that night, you know, it was the first time I actually said out loud to my husband. I was sitting on the couch, and I'm like, I want to be done with alcohol forever, and I'd like your help. And for someone who's so independent, so you know, prides herself on not needing help, that was big for me to actually say, like, I'm ready to be done. Can you help me? And of course, he was like, Absolutely, we got the alcohol out of the house that night, and that was the that was my day one almost three years ago.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Wow, wow. I mean, so commendable, well done on well, coming up for three years, so that's that's that's amazing. And what kind of tools and things did you put in place for that? Obviously, uh telling your husband is the biggest thing because I think a lot of people it's scary to begin with to tell other people because they're thinking in the back of their head, what if I fail? What if I fail? I'm gonna look stupid. They're they're you know, they're gonna think, Oh well, this is what we expected. So there is that fear for people to be outspoken about it and tell people, but I think it's possibly one of the most important things that people can do. So, what else other than telling your husband and and ditching all the booze, did you do?

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Yeah, it's such a good point, too, because I I understand the fear of like if I put this out there, it's for real. And I would say, like, just tell someone you trust. Like, it doesn't have to be a public statement, even if you're like, hey, I don't know if this is forever, but I really would like help for now. Um, that's that's what I did. But yeah, I don't know if if it's big in the UK, but we have this fitness challenge called 75 Hard. Have you heard of that?

SPEAKER_02 37:47

I haven't no 75 Hard, right? What's what's that?

SPEAKER_00 37:50

Yeah, it's if you look at it on on Instagram, you can look up hashtags, but um an American guy created it, but it's a 75-day challenge, and there's certain parameters, it's very popular here. So you have to do two workouts a day, one of them has to be outdoors, um, take a progress photo, drink a gallon of water, and no alcohol. So the minute I stopped drinking, I decided one day later on January 9th, I was gonna start the 75-day challenge. And because of that, I knew I had social events coming up, I knew I had dinners coming up, and it's such a well-known challenge here that I wasn't ready to talk about what was happening within me. So on that first, you know, social outing, people are like, Why are you ordering a mocktail? And I'm like, Oh, I'm doing 75 hard. Immediately people understood. So I think if you have something publicly like a fitness challenge, right? Like a 30-day cleanse, it's just nice to be able to have that while you're working through a lot of stuff internally because you don't have to disclose everything. So that was hugely helpful for me.

SPEAKER_02 38:49

Yeah, that's I mean, you know what? I'm like starting because I do a bit of running from time to time and this and a bit of you know, gym and healthy stuff, but I want to start running again in January, 1st of January, and I'm gonna run every day in January, and then potentially we'll see how February does. So this 75 hard challenge does sound right up my street. So I'll do the run outside and then I'll do the fitness thing on top of that. So that sounds that sounds awesome, but I love that because you know, when I got sober five years ago, it was like there was all these things on Instagram, it's like what to say to people, like you know, you could say you're on antibiotics or you're you're driving or you're going for a run tomorrow, all of these things, and it is good to have that in your kind of back burner to say, right, if it because someone will question you. A lot of people will say, Why are you not drinking tonight? Because this isn't like you, and it is good to have that as well. And I think when you're on like a if they know quite well what a 75-day challenge is, they're like, Oh yeah, right, you know, Ashley's on that, let's let's leave her to it, and uh yeah, and then like as you say, then you can work out in your head that right, when am I gonna be outspoken about this? Am I gonna be outspoken about this? I had someone on the the podcast a few weeks ago, and I think she's like 15 years sober now, and I think for the first four years she kept it to herself, so it was just her close, like intimate family that knew, and she said it was almost like having another sober day the day that she actually spoke out about it and told everyone, and she said it was such this like weight off her shoulder. See, for me, I was like I was so bad that I needed to just tell everyone. Do you know what I mean? So it was like set up the Instagram account, not like whoa, look at me, but I would thought this is what's gonna hold me accountable. Um so I was just posting like a daily meme or picture and just putting my day count up, you know, as it went up from I think the first day I posted was like day 13, and I did that every day for 500 days, and that was my accountability, you know. I know it was it was weird that the from my sober date to when the 500th day was, it was the 1st of January 2022, so it was like it just fell on that, you know, your 1st of January, so it was crazy. I didn't plan that obviously because I didn't plan the day that I got sober, um, but yeah, well done you on you know, so you've not how like how was that initial you know? I always say the first three months are probably the hardest. Were you tempted? Did you get cravings? Did you think, right, I'm gonna I'm gonna crack here?

SPEAKER_00 41:27

Um yeah, funny. I you know, like people could talk about the pink cloud of sobriety where it's like very exciting. I actually felt more of that in my first few months, like I felt very inspired. Um, and I think it got for some reason, like around six months or a year, that's when things were like, oh, this is this is real, and I I would I wouldn't have like second thoughts, but I guess I would think about it more then. But the first three months for me were really like um more excitement. Like I felt like I was tapping into like my creativity, and I was excited to drink mocktails and do these things, and um I was never planning on like announcing my sobriety, but it was probably six weeks into like the challenge, like 75 day hard. And I I again I kinda I kind of like my body, my intuition is just like do this. So I woke up one day and I'm like, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna announce to the social media world that I've stopped drinking and here's why. So I put up a post, it was probably mid-February of like 2023 on Instagram and on Facebook. Um, and I just shared my story, and the reaction was it was big. Like I had a lot of people, and because also it was hard for me because I had shame around drinking. I never wanted to admit, like, hey, I had an issue with it because I thought that would make me seem weak. But I was like, you know what? Other people are gonna relate to me and maybe see themselves in my story, so I need to say this. And I did, and then about three months later, I started having a few reels. I just started talking about it, and a few reels on Instagram went viral, like five million views viral, and I was getting like inundated with people in my inbox, you know, in 2023 saying, like, this is my story, can you help me? What's going on? And and I was overwhelmed because I'm like, wow, so many people can relate to my story. And I opened up an alcohol-free community Facebook group, and then I looked into getting recovery coach certified because I wanted to find a way to offer help. But yeah, I never expected that this would, and now it's become a huge part of my story and how people find me and the coaching that I offer. But um, I really never expect to share my story publicly. I just woke up just like I did on January 8th of three years ago. I woke up with conviction, thinking like this story needs to be shared.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Yeah, and that's I mean, I love the community and even how much it's grown in the five years that I've been on it, especially Instagram, TikTok's taken off as well. But it's it's you know, my home is I would. Say is Instagram, but like just so many people that are sharing their stories and helping others because that's that's what they say. I mean, I did do a bit of the fellowship, and it's like you know, just giving back what was given to me, and I think that's that's paramount because there are so many people out there that are like not even day one yet, and they're looking, they'll they'll put in that hashtag sober, and like people like yourself will come up, myself will come up, and they're just looking for that hope and support. And I think you know what you've been able to do is because like for me, I trained to be a peer mentor uh was not February last year, it was February before. They'd asked me to do it, and uh when I was and we've got a local addiction charity called Motivate here, which helped me get sober, you know, through the SMART program and things like that. And they asked me the first intake, and I said, Listen, I'm not I'm not ready to do that, I don't want to do it. And then they asked me the second time, and I was like, Yeah, so it was like before I could only suggest like people inboxing me and going, Oh, this is my story, how do I? And I'm like, Well, I can tell you what I did, but I'm not qualified yet to be able to say, I think you should do this, and how is this treating you? Do you know what I mean? And uh, and I guess that's the reason why you want to get certified sober coach as well. Um, and and when was that you did that? So, did you say two years ago?

SPEAKER_00 45:19

Yeah, um, early 2024, I got certified as a recovery coach, and um I just recently went through another continuing education for uh life coaching certification. So I do feel like I have, and I I can also recognize when it's out of my skill set, I'm not an addiction counselor, I'm not like you know, I didn't go to school for this, so I really am clear of like these are ways I can help you, and these are these are resources I'd recommend if I can't. But I think like what I do specialize in is uh people that kind of have this dependence that I had on alcohol, but really want to lead healthy and fit lives and know that this is holding them back because I have a background in health and fitness, so I really merge the two of like we're gonna work on your goals to cut back on alcohol eventually with the goal of removing it, and we're gonna amp up your health and fitness routine. Because what I found is like that leaning into health and fitness really helped me stay alcohol-free. Like, no, I wasn't super tempted in the beginning, but I was doing that 75 hard challenge. Like I was very committed to my health and fitness goals, and it was almost a relief that I knew alcohol was the linchpin that was holding me back from feeling healthier. I didn't change anything in my health routine, and I lost like eight pounds in my first two months, and I'm not, you know, I'm not an overweight person, so it was a lot to lose eight pounds just from not drinking. So now I I really help people do both.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

Yeah, and it's mad, isn't it, to think how many, how how calorific, you know, kind of drinking alcohol is if you're doing it such a kind of uh steady pace as well. And I think you know, like I said, there's so many people out there that are struggling and they just want help. And I think being like yourself and myself that's been there, done that, coming from that peer mentor place that we've got a lived experience can be sometimes more beneficial than someone that has trained at you know school to be an addiction counselor and things like that. If they've not been through it, and I'm not saying to people don't go and use that because any type of method you can use to get sober is paramount. But I think like speaking for myself, when I first got sober and I was put in front of like all different types of counsellors and things, and I would all the first question I would ask them was like, Like, are you sober? And if they said no, I'd be like, I'd be quite belligerent and rude, then I'd be like, I don't I don't want to talk to you, you know, because I was still drinking in those days, and it was like, and I you don't know what you're talking about. And and right enough, you know, for me, when I got sober, I was listening to people that had been there my themselves, and that you know, knowing that I wasn't alone in the struggle, so yeah, um, it's it's it's it's crazy. And I think likes of all the different types of coaching and counselling, it's it's very paramount to have other things involved, like yours is the fitness. I think the one that I'm gonna be doing is is kind of holistic and a lot of breath work as well. And I think like I'm gonna start adding all of these different, you know, kind of certifications to to my kind of knowledge because it's all helping, you know. It's it's it's also scary when A and they'll say, Oh, if you don't go to AA, you're not gonna get sober and all that. That's that's rubbish. You know, there's smart, there's AA, there's NA, there's C A. But also like listening to podcasts, watching films, reading books, like I just threw everything I had into you know, sponging up all the different methods, and I just I just you know it was like throwing spaghetti against the wall and see what stuck, you know. It was like what am I what's working for me, you know, and and I was just taking bits from everything, you know.

SPEAKER_00 48:53

Absolutely. You mentioned that, and and books were huge for me. Like one of my outdoor workouts was a walk. So for 75 days, I was outside for 45 minutes and I was listening to books like This Naked Mind on Audible, and um you know that was my first book. I listened to Quit Literature. I always knew I wanted to read that book, but I always was afraid because I'm like, as soon as I read this, I can't unread it. So as soon as I stop drinking, I'm like, I'm ready. And I you know, I encourage people to read those books whether they've become sober yet or not, because knowledge is power. And I think, like, do most people know that alcohol was established as a carcinogen in 1988, like 37 years ago. Like, most people don't know that. Most people don't know the link between no amount of alcohol is safe for um risk of cancer and things like that. And those were things that I did not, I was literally like if you picture an ostrich, like put their head in the sand, that was me. Like I knew it was bad, but I didn't want to know about it. I didn't want to talk about it. So when I was ready to stop drinking, I allowed that knowledge in. And I think you know, part of my community is we oftentimes read books together and talk about it because whether you're sober yet or you're sober curious, I encourage anyone to just educate yourself. It doesn't mean you have to feel shame or judgment, but we weren't taught this stuff as you know. I'm in my 30s, as a millennial, we were not taught the dangers of alcohol, we were taught that alcohol is the answer. So that would encourage that to anyone for sure.

SPEAKER_02 50:16

It's it's mad. I mean, like I'm on the LMAN and we've got that like as they say, motivate go into the schools, and they don't say they don't go in and do a talk on drugs, they do a talk on drugs and alcohol. So they're explaining the full dangers of it all. Because I think, you know, I don't know in the US, but like back when I was at school, yeah, you'd get some people coming in going, you know, drugs are bad, don't do that. But there was never never alcohol linked in with that, but now they're starting to do that, and especially over here, and I think it's fantastic because I think the youngsters, the young, the new generation coming through, they definitely are a bit more wary of it because they're they're they're using the internet, they're googling it, and you know, if they're seeing there's no safe level of alcohol that doesn't, you know, you know, have a have a uh a link to cancer, like you said, 1988 W WHO categorized it as a I think category one carcinogen, like tobacco, asbestos, and radiation. Like, why is it still being you know, if it was fine if it was discovered today, it wouldn't be it wouldn't be legal, which is is just absolute madness. And I think I almost sometimes feel like I've got a friend who said to me back when I started the podcast, uh he said, Oh, I don't want to listen to your podcast because he said, I think it might, you know, make me want to stop drinking. I was like, okay, fair enough, don't listen to it then, you know, because he thought like if he's gonna hear things, it's like so. I almost feel like am I sounding like a bit of a flat earther, like I'm telling people this stuff that's absolute rubbish. No, this is all like you know, fact and and and research that I've done that's out there and it's just not being publicised as much. I think it will eventually, but I think right now they're making too much money off of it, and they're like, Well, why should we why should we stop doing that? You know, people want to drink. All I'm saying is put some labels on the bottles and and let people know the warnings, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh Ashley, do you regret getting sober?

SPEAKER_00 52:15

No. No, no. I always say my only regret is not not doing it sooner. Um, in 2014, I did my first yoga teacher training, and it was 11 years ago, and we had to write a letter to ourselves, and I still have that letter. So in April of 2014, uh part of my letter that I wrote to myself was please stop drinking, you don't need it. So I knew 11 years ago I wanted to stop. I knew this this seed was planted a long time ago. Um the only thing I will say is like I guess I wasn't prepared for I was always kind of a person that didn't really feel a lot, and I think alcohol had a lot to do with it. I wasn't very happy, I wasn't, I was never very sad. I was temper, like very just in the middle. And the last three years I've really had to learn to like to navigate my emotions and to know that it's okay to feel bigger emotions. I've cried more in the last three years than I probably ever have, and I've laughed more in the last three years than I probably ever have. So I think life was meant to experience the extremes, and I think when we numb ourselves, we only live in the middle. And I think that's that's something I had to get used to, but I wouldn't trade it. I would not trade this like big emotional life for being numb like I was for so long.

SPEAKER_02 53:26

Yeah, no, I think that's amazing what you said there, because it is it's this numbness, this escapism of living our lives, you know, and it's like people say you see memes, and it's like they're on top of a boat with a bottle of whiskey or whatever, or Bacardi, and they're living their best life. No, no, no, no. This this sober life is living my best life because I'm aware of everything. Yeah, there's good days, there's bad days, but I'm not numbing any any of it out, I'm experiencing it to its maximum potential. And I think we're we're too you know, we're living this world where we've got phones and computers, and you know, even like having your airpods in all the time, there's constant kind of updates coming through, like, oh you've got a text message when I'm listening to an audible book. So there's constant distractions, and for me, like I was I was terrified to be alone, you know, like on my own and and with my own thoughts, so I would just drink to kind of block that out and just kind of go right, yeah. See you later, you know, reality type thing. And it was like once I actually started, you know, when I got first got sober and I moved into this little cottage over here, just me and my cat. I didn't have a TV, yeah, a laptop, but I was like, you know, I just enjoy sitting, maybe a bit of music or reading a book, but no full distractions. Like my phone was there, but you know, like for a long time I didn't really I didn't really know many people over here apart from my recovery mates, so my phone wasn't ping ping ping ping ping, and I just enjoyed that time. And I think a lot of people need to learn to just be with themselves, you know, and enjoy who they are, and and like like getting to know who I was always supposed to be was the most rewarding thing sobriety's brought me, and it's it's it's still rewarding now, you know. It's still only the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 55:11

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

Yeah, what advice would you give to you know, someone that was thinking of getting sober uh or on like just early days, what advice would you give them to, especially with this time of year? You know, Christmas is tough.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

Christmas is tough. Um, just the word of advice is like awareness is already progress. So if you are already thinking about your relationship with alcohol and you're curious about what alcohol would like a decreased alcohol lifestyle would look like, what I found in my coaching is a lot of people are so hard on themselves. So give yourself some grace. And I think if it's unrealistic, you know, we're recording this right around the holidays. If it's unrealistic for you to think about not drinking over the holidays, I would say make your plan now that what's January going to look like. Plug into an accountability group, commit to dry January. But like you were saying, don't consider it a countdown. Could it be a count up? Instead of just getting through the month, could you dive into a support group or get a coach or read a book or do something that it's not just about not drinking, it's about why we were drinking in the first place? And what do we believe about alcohol to be true? And could we allow ourselves to create new beliefs around alcohol? So have have grace with yourself. But most importantly, if this is on your heart and you're listening to this for a reason, make a plan. What are you gonna do come the new year?

SPEAKER_02 56:33

Yeah, yeah. No, I love that, Ashley. And and just lastly, would you do you have a recommendation for a podcast, a book, or a film uh with to do with recovery or all three?

SPEAKER_00 56:46

Oh, I really enjoy the sober motivation podcast. Um yeah. Again, I mentioned I mentioned This Naked Mind by Annie Grace, which I think is very helpful for reframing your beliefs about alcohol. I'm currently leading a group, my free community is doing the alcohol experiment by Annie Grace right now. So it's literally a 30-day experiment to give up alcohol, and they're very short journal prompts each day to get you thinking about how you're feeling in these 30 days. So that that one is a huge one if you're ready to like you're ready to take that commitment to do 30 days alcohol-free. Um I think that's it. I think just those two books were really, really helpful for me. And I get one more book that was helpful was uh Push Off From Here by Laura McCowan. It's nine essential truths to get you through sobriety and life. And so, regardless if you're sober now or considering, the nine truths are just like universal. You can apply them to your life, and I think it's just a really special book.

SPEAKER_02 57:43

Yeah, no, that's awesome. Thanks, Ashley. And uh where can people find you? Um, like your website, your your Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

Yeah, I hang out a lot on Instagram. So my Instagram is coach underscore ashley88. So I am on there. Um, I do have a free community on Facebook with the information's on my Instagram bio. Uh, every month I run free challenges for anyone that's wanting some extra support, so you can find me on there.

SPEAKER_02 58:12

Cool, cool. I love it. Obviously, I'll put all this in the show notes and the you know the the literature as well that we've put on there. So yeah, thank you so much for for coming on and giving up your time and sharing your story because you know we we we appreciate you, Al Ashley, and appreciate your sobriety. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 58:28

Yeah, Jimmy, thanks so much for having me. This was a great conversation.

SPEAKER_02 58:32

Good. Well, speak to you soon. Cheers, Ashley.

SPEAKER_00 58:36

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 58:37

Thank you so much, Ashley. Uh such a such a great conversation, great chat with you. Um, you know, and like when she had that epiphany and saying to her husband, that's me done. Um, I I would like you to to to help me with this, but I'm done with alcohol. So getting rid of all the alcohol out of the house that night, and that was our day one, you know, and sometimes it can be that simple. Uh just that thing where you know you've had enough of it, and I think a lot of people out there that are still drinking, they have had enough of it, but they're just not connecting those dots to saying, right, I need to give this up, you know, because we live in a world where it's just so hard to give that up, and that's that's that's the scary part, you know. Even though we know we're done with it, the thought of not drinking again, it shouldn't be, it shouldn't be this hold over us for the rest of our life, this whole kind of control thing. It's like, oh my god, I can't imagine a life without alcohol, even though I only drink, you know, this and this and that. You're probably drinking more than you say you are anyway. So, you know, just just knock on the head because it it's not serving you any purpose. And like Ashley, you know, your life can be so much better without it. It's like that whole once our eyes are open, we can't look back, and uh, we just want other people to see it for how we see it, you know. Um, Ashley, you know, did use the 75 hard day challenge to just kind of tell people at the beginning, you know, I'm not drinking because I'm doing this, and that was that was good. That was 75 days to get our head into kind of gear and go, right, you know, I I know what I'm gonna tell people once that's done. I've given up foods. And but for that first initial thing, it's like it's that hard thing because society says you should drink. So, you know, to to to to segue into my sober seasons, it started today, which is the 21st of August. Um 21st of August, 21st of March, it runs until the 21st of June, and it's it's basically 90 days, it's the season, it's the equinox to the solstice and solstice to the equinox. So it's ongoing all year, but it gives people that like starting boost to just go, I want to do this for 90 days and see what happens. Um so it's not like you know, we're saying give up forever, but the majority of people on the uh on the group on Facebook um are sober, and you know, they've done their first couple of seasons or whatever and they're still going. So, you know, just just why not give it a go? Because a month isn't it long enough, you know, do it for 90 days. Um, but yeah, as I say, Ashley's doing amazing things. She's now doing the uh well, it's probably finished now, so I do apologize because we we recorded this a week before Christmas, so there was a little bit of mentioning Christmas in there. Now we're in spring, so apologies in that. But I'm sure we should be doing another um alcohol experiment from uh Annie Grace's book um in the near future. So yeah, just check her out. Um she's got an amazing Instagram page, great website, and uh as I say, she'll be she'll be over three years now because that was the eighth of the eighth of January. Um so yeah, um all good here, guys. Uh just kind of gearing up for the the sober seasons and uh springtime and and enjoying it and just trying to get people out on the you know get people like listening to my reels and watching my reels so that they can go, well, why am I still doing this? Because that's the whole point. I'm just trying to get people a little bit more educated on why they're drinking uh because they don't need it. So uh yeah. If you like this episode, hit the share button, hit the like button, hit the five-star review button, leave me a comment because it really does help people, you know, get get to the podcast. And if you've been enjoying it, then you want other people to enjoy it as well. So please do that and share it about, guys. Um, catch me on recovery underscore Jimmy if you've if you've not already been following me on Instagram. Some of you might just be finding the podcast, so go and check out my Instagram page. But uh until next week, guys, stay safe, stay sober, and stay supportive. Peace. Love you all.